Unless you've been in a coma the last few days, you’ll know that the Government has got itself into an almighty pickle, and roused the ire of the Left, the Guardian, and a whole host of local politicians and Lib Dems.
And when you see what the Government has done, it’s no surprise. Right now, there are vans touring streets in six or seven British cities – and I mean Britain’s streets, not some benighted part of Saudi Arabia – inscribed with the words: “Murderers, please stop murdering people, or we might have to arrest you.“
Understandably, many of Britain’s murderers are up in arms. Jock “the wound” McTavish murdered 17 rival gang members eight years ago, in a pointlessly savage massacre in the car park of Croydon Lidl. He’s been rebuilding his life ever since, and has even been considering a further killing spree this summer, after he achieved early release, on human rights grounds, so he can look after his car.
McTavish complains that he is being unfairly targeted. “Murdering is part of my culture. It’s my lifestyle. What gives the Government the right to lecture me with vans? If I want to slaughter people in a meaningless frenzy of psychotic violence, I will. I thought this was a free country.”
Local politicians are equally enraged. The mayor for Peckham puts it like this: “Peckham has been famous for its very high murder rate for generations. We have killers of all sorts, terrorist butchers, mad stranglers, homicidal axemen, and secretive loners with unusual beards who could flip at any moment. These are well established communities of murderers: part of Peckham’s rich diversity. Now these blameless maniacs are, quite frankly, living in terror.”
Further complaints have come from Lib Dem MPs, concerned that entirely innocent killers – men who, say, garrotted the neighbour after downing seven bottles of gin – will be frightened into hiding by the Tory campaign.
As the MP for Unwinnable West, says: “It’s dog whistle politics: appealing to people who instinctively dislike brutal slayings. It’s also driving a wedge between the murdering and non-murdering community. Just this morning I had a local murderer on the phone, he’s been happily walking the streets for months after he drove his truck into a betting shop, killing six. Now the poor fellow is a wreck, he’s seen these vans and he’s wondering if the police might take action. And think about the effect on his family. What’s he going to tell his wife, who has been locked in his cellar for seven years?”
Alan Rooibos, a murderer outreach coordinator for Walsall Council, who runs workshops for murderers, where they can learn new skills like machete-wielding, also wonders where this will end. “What’s next, vans saying 'Please stop doing armed robberies, it’s not nice and it could get you into trouble'? Maybe they will cover our streets with posters, discouraging gang rape, or arson, I wouldn't put it past them.” And then he adds, with a chilling frown: “Remember the old saying. First they came for the murderers, and I did nothing, because I wasn't a murderer”.