Ok this is my little self indulgent thread. A chance to publish some of my scribbles in the hope that the literary answer to Simon Cowell might one day stumble across them. Some are funny, some are sad, some are just plain bonkers. For anyone that takes the time to read them I offer my sincerest gratitude and hope they offer some amusement.

Without further ado then the following is...

The Poetry of a Madman!

The Morning After

Tis the morning after,
The night before,
I open my eyes slowly,
And find myself sprawled on the floor,
Vague memories of dancing,
Of Tibetan midgets and whores,
Fill my mind,
As I promise never again nevermore,
What did I get up to?
I have no clue,
Then with gripping terror,
I notice I now have a tattoo,
Who is Sonia?
Where does she fit into my life?
Looking at the tattoo,
It seems she is now my wife!
Orange juice from now on,
I make this solemn oath,
As I stagger to the kitchen,
To make some dry toast,
The time for apologies,
Must now begin,
The only question that remains is,
whose damn house am I in?!

Livin' In The Ghetto

When you're livin' in the ghetto,
Life is cheap,
When you're livin' in the ghetto,
No one hears you weep.

With no money for rent,
And no money for bills,
Only the strong survive,
It's kill or be killed.

Morals are a luxury,
No man can afford,
When he's out on the streets,
Sleepin' on the floor.

It's easy to preach,
What's right and what's wrong,
When you've never seen,
The places I'm from.

Selling drugs to get by,
Is a means to an end,
For twenty bucks,
I'll sell you a friend.

I have the power,
To ease your pain,
Show me your green,
And I'll stop the rain.

I sell my soul to the Devil,
And now I am damned,
But in return give my loved ones,
A life in a better land.

When you're livin' in the ghetto,
Life is cheap,
When you're livin' in the ghetto,
No one hears you weep.

Behind Locked Doors

Where do our demons and our devils reside?
Behind the locked doors,
In the darkest reaches of our minds,
Alone at night we can hear them scream,
These nightmarish creatures,
As they try to break free,
Behind these locked doors,
Greatest evil lurks,
For trapped in these rooms,
We keep all of our pain and our hurt,
Is there any salvation,
For which we can pray?
Any hope that perhaps,
We might silence the horrors one day?
So much we hide,
So much the world will never see,
For to the locked doors of our minds,
We keep hidden the key.

Alone on the Battlefield

Alone on the battlefield,
Waiting to die,
A lifetime of emotions,
Pass before my eyes,
Many men I have slain,
Now my judgement has come,
Alone on the battlefield,
My time almost done,
Those that I love,
I have left behind,
To fight for Justice and Freedom,
In such harshest of times,
To die in a strange land,
This is my lot,
Will my life be remembered?
Will my sacrifice be forgot?
The life of a soldier,
Expendable and cheap,
Alone on the battlefield,
No one can see me now weep,
With my last dying breath,
I make a final wish,
May God protect my family,
And spare them from anguish,
Let my death give them pride,
Instead of grief,
I give my life for their futures,
And now I die for my beliefs.

The BNP alternative manifesto

Der Paki's often tell me,
Dat dey fink dat dey are English,
To which I laff and tell dem,
"You're only fahkin British!"
I dahnt care if you woz born 'ere,
Dat dahnt change a fing,
You'll never be fahkin English,
No matter how loud yer fahkin sing,
Sum peeps dey call me racist,
And sumtimes call me a fug,
Dat dahnt bovver me,
I look at dem and shrug,
England for indijjynous,
Everyone else can get ter fahk,
And when der BNP get into power,
You Paki's are outta luck,
Lets close der fahkin corner shops!
See yer later Mr Singh!
Fahk off back to Inja!
I tell dem wiv a grin,
My Grandad din't fight der Germans,
So you cud fahkin sponge,
He fought der fahkin Germans,
To keep out you fahkin scum!
England for der English,
I'm sick of all dis shite,
You ain't fahkin welcome 'ere,
Unless your skin is white!

Dreams and Nightmares

Alone at night,
Lying in bed,
Demons plague my soul,
And I wish I were dead.

As I slip deep into slumber,
Lucifer awakens,
Chortles with glee,
And piles more weight on my shoulders.

I dream of a life,
Cursed and damned,
Trapped forever,
In a hellish land.

I am told dreams are just dreams,
They have no bearing on fate,
But what is there to do,
When you are not dreaming but awake?

Club Terrorista

Let me take you to the place
Where membership's a bearded face,
Brush shoulders with Allah.
Declare Jihad on the white man,
And we welcome you to Afghanistan -
Now strap a bomb to that GI's caaaaaar..

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

Infidel and Martyr meet,
Sit side by side on airplane seat,
Watch the pilot, where's he flying?,
Is Muslim scapegoat in the room?
Watch the plane now go kaboom!
And now Americans are dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

Pack your bags,
And leave tonight.
Don't take your time,
Gotta move your feet, don't you miss the flight
Cool, cool, cool, cool

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

Standing at the edge of the Abyss

Standing at the edge of the abyss
Gazing down into the dark nothingness
I wonder what it would be like to leap from this precipice
And to plunge headlong blindly into the blessed blackness.

Wondering what it would be like to see the end
To welcome the Reaper as my dearest friend
Holding his hand as we descend
Welcoming the horrors that do portend.

Feel the wind rushing against my face
Faster and faster gathering pace
Disappearing into the gloom without a trace
Savouring this exquisite fall from grace.

In these final moments my life is replayed
And I curse the Lord for I have been betrayed
This miracle of life is worn and cliched
The realisation of which leaves me sad and dismayed.

Standing at the edge of the abyss
Gazing down into the dark nothingness
I wonder what it would be like to leap from this precipice
And to plunge headlong blindly into the blessed blackness.

Oli C wrote:

Livin' In The Ghetto

When you're livin' in the ghetto,
Life is cheap,
When you're livin' in the ghetto,
No one hears you weep.

With no money for rent,
And no money for bills,
Only the strong survive,
It's kill or be killed.

Morals are a luxury,
No man can afford,
When he's out on the streets,
Sleepin' on the floor.

It's easy to preach,
What's right and what's wrong,
When you've never seen,
The places I'm from.

Selling drugs to get by,
Is a means to an end,
For twenty bucks,
I'll sell you a friend.

I have the power,
To ease your pain,
Show me your green,
And I'll stop the rain.

I sell my soul to the Devil,
And now I am damned,
But in return give my loved ones,
A life in a better land.

When you're livin' in the ghetto,
Life is cheap,
When you're livin' in the ghetto,
No one hears you weep.

OMG, that is so sad.

Oli C wrote:

Dreams and Nightmares

Alone at night,
Lying in bed,
Demons plague my soul,
And I wish I were dead.

As I slip deep into slumber,
Lucifer awakens,
Chortles with glee,
And piles more weight on my shoulders.

I dream of a life,
Cursed and damned,
Trapped forever,
In a hellish land.

I am told dreams are just dreams,
They have no bearing on fate,
But what is there to do,
When you are not dreaming but awake?

Very dark, but I understand. I hope you write one now you are well? Out of the darkness and into the light

Oli C wrote:

Club Terrorista

Let me take you to the place
Where membership's a bearded face,
Brush shoulders with Allah.
Declare Jihad on the white man,
And we welcome you to Afghanistan -
Now strap a bomb to that GI's caaaaaar..

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

Infidel and Martyr meet,
Sit side by side on airplane seat,
Watch the pilot, where's he flying?,
Is Muslim scapegoat in the room?
Watch the plane now go kaboom!
And now Americans are dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

Pack your bags,
And leave tonight.
Don't take your time,
Gotta move your feet, don't you miss the flight
Cool, cool, cool, cool

(chorus)

Club Terrorista drinks are freeeeeeeee,
Underage women - there's enough for everyone.
All that's missing is Bin Ladeeeeeeeeeen,
But don't worry, we don't neeeeed him!

brill!

Ode to a Work of Art

O' my tantalising tidbit
Of delectable deliciousness!
You're my chocolatey chalice
Of lickable lusciousness!
Wrapped in foil for freshness
To guarantee greatness
Promising wonders within
That colourful skin!
There's plenty of room in my tummy
For you and your family
So finish your job
And get in my gob
Don't make me beg
My Cadbury's Creme Egg!!

St. George & The Dragon

As the magical luminescence of the Dawn's first rays of light,
Appear on the horizon to vanquish the night,
We see in an enchanted valley in a far off land,
A Kingdom once plagued by a Dragon where this legend began,
In a cave at the bottom of the valley is where the Dragon made its lair
And then terrorised the townsfolk to the brink of despair,
From whence the beast came nobody is certain,
Yet for twenty long years a noble King is sentenced to ransom,
For a grisly pact had been made to save the Kingdom from destruction,
The purest must be sacrificed to the cursed Dragon,
So with the blood of young virgins the beast's thirst was fed,
Until the time came when every fair maiden was dead,
Heavy with heart now the King's final sacrifice had been offered,
The King's own Princess Sabra now journeyed to the winged lizard,
A heartbroken King now burdened with desperation,
Prayed to the Heavens for some reprieve from his demon,
Inconsolable with grief the King knelt at his God's Altar,
To ask from the Divine the gift of a saviour,
"Dear Lord forsake me not for I am your humble servant,
If this is thy will I shall bow to your judgement,
But if it is not please hearken my prayer,
Save Sabra's life and save me from despair,"
Then the Altar began to shake and a powerful voice was heard,
"Humble servant your faith has remained true and unwavered,
On the morrow shall come the saviour you seek,
Look out to the valley along the highest ridge's peak"
Thus prayers had been answered and hope came in the form of a Knight,
The noble St. George had arrived for the fight,
Clad in silver armour which gleamed and shimmered in the sun,
Riding a white stallion St. George appeared on the horizon,
Into the valley he rode to the mouth of the Dragon's cave,
The life of Princess Sabra he was determined to save,
Roaring a cry of battle St. George beckoned the Dragon,
And from his scabbard drew forth his razor sharp falchion,
Then deep within in the cave a loud rumbling was heard,
And out of the darkness the great beast emerged,
Standing twenty foot high with green scaly skin,
The Dragon gazed upon St. George and waited for battle to begin,
Readying his lance St. George charged forward with fury,
Everything or nothing, for his Death or his Glory!
As the brave Knight advanced the Dragon opened it's jaws,
Shot forth a bolt of fire and then readied its claws,
The lance of St. George struck the Dragon's armoured body,
Then splintered into a thousand pieces as the Dragon roared defiantly,
St. George fell from his steed to the hard earth below,
The time of judgement had come for this chivalrous hero,
The Dragon spread it's wings and St. George then spied it's weakness,
Underneath the beast's wing was where his blade would sink deepest,
Raising his sword high St. George lunged at the monster,
And pierced the Dragon's heart with a cry of triumphant anger,
With a gutteral scream the Dragon lurched and fell down,
The beast had been slain, St. George had rescued the town!
Cutting out the Dragon's heart the Hero returned to the King,
And recounted his tale of bravery to him,
Overwhelmed with the knowledge his daughter had been saved,
To St. George the hand of marriage to Princess Sabra was gave,
Happily ever after this fable now ends,
And this how into legend St. George did ascend.

The Exquisiteness of Pain

The exquisiteness of pain
That brings with it the certainty
I hurt therefore I am
Where there is agony can be found beauty
From the miracle of birth
To the sweet sound of a mother screaming
Until the heartache of death
To the sweet sound of souls grieving
It is pain that defines us
As we search for it blindly
A life without hurt
Is a life without destiny
How is love measured?
If not with the marker of what it lost
Memories are meaningless
When they come without cost
Fear not the pain
For it is filled with exquisiteness
In the times of greatest torment
Thank the Lord for what he has given us.

A Great Big Hotel In The Sky

I've long held a theory that when each of us die,
We check in to stay at a great big hotel in the sky,
All are welcome no matter their gender or race,
But the stay you experience will depend on your faith,
The management are the Jews because they are miserly men,
So an eternity of controlling the money is their idea of heaven,
The Catholics stay in the penthouse because they are closest to the lord,
The Romans were standing barely a foot away when they nailed Christ to the board,
The cleaners are the Athiests with no end in sight to their chores,
Well lets see them deny God now as they clean the shit off the floors,
The Sikhs keep security because they are the warrior faith,
They also work in the kitchens because their curries are ace,
Hindus run the hotel casino for their religion is like a roulette,
Having so many pagan Gods is just hedging your bets,
Buddhists tend the gardens because they are peaceful and kind,
It also keeps them away from the guests as they blabber about enlightenment of the mind,
And finally economy is reserved for those from whom we always hear the same,
These cheap rooms are for the Muslims because they always fucking complain!

Hahaha, love it! Can I post it on twitter?

Need you ask?! lol

Brilliant deep dark poems Oli fascinating and perhaps a taste of what you have been thru!

Glad you finally made it aboard. Welcome to the forum  

And TY for the kind comments

Why I Hate The Bus, Dear

Sorry to make a fuss here,
But damn I hate the bus, Dear
Y'see whenever I get on board
I'm suddenly surrounded by a horde...

Of jobless chavs and benefit scum
Acne ridden teens looking very glum
O.A.P's with toothless gums
Screaming kids and single mums
Sometimes a busker strumming a banjo
Always several immigrants who can't speak the lingo
And maybe it's just me and I'm being far too posh
When I expect the other passengers to maybe have a wash?
And now that you've got me started
Who's the bastard that's just farted?
As I hold my breath and I mutter about the smell
I'll wonder if I'm dead and whether this is hell
It really is that bad and this isn't just idle talk
Five stops before my destination..

I usually get out and fucking walk!

LOL Oli...Love it!! :-)

Remember remember 11th September

Remember remember
The 11th September
When America hijacked a plane
And then blamed Al Qaeda
For the fruits of their labour
Which saw many of their citizens slain

Were two planes really hijacked
As a result of a pact
By terrorists to bomb the twin towers?
Or was there a conspiricy
Behind this dark mystery
By a warmongering American power?

Was Bin Laden really guilty
Of this act of such cruelty
Ten years ago to this very day
Or was he the patsy
For U.S. skullduggery
To mislead the world and betray?

Remember remember
The 11th September
When America hijacked a plane
And then blamed Al Qaeda
For the fruits of their labour
Which saw many of their citizens slain.

Excellent Oli ... :-)

Thankyou sweetie. Thought you'd like that one lol x

The Four Seasons

Daffodils and cherry blossom,
Swaying and blowing in the wind,
Morning hath broken,
The circle of life now begins,
Swallows sing their song,
As the sun doth rise,
With the dawn of season,
The world is filled with wonder and surprise,
Mother cradles infant,
The miracle of birth,
A gift of sweet life,
From Mother Nature's Earth,
The future is uncertain,
But no dream is too small,
To the innocence of children,
The World doth enthrall,
Regrets have no place,
In this time of great cheer,
Spring has arrived,
The season of new beginnings is here.



So vibrant and vivid,
Colours do appear,
As midday approaches,
So approaches the prime of thine years,
Bright blue skies,
Shine upon a limitless destiny,
And the path of thine existence,
Is filled with immeasurable beauty,
The discovery of love,
Brightens even the blackest of hearts,
With the season of warmth,
The time for union now starts,
The soul is laid bare,
Now innocence has faded,
Bequeath thy heart,
To the arrow of Cupid,
Waste not these precious moments,
For they are fleeting and brief,
Seize the day,
Follow your beliefs.



As afternoon beckons,
The world turns grey,
Wrinkled and brown,
Leaves from trees drop away,
The sun shines less bright,
But the sun is still there,
As the day winds down,
In the breezy Autumn air,
The time for reflection,
Has almost come,
But the time for redemption,
Thou hath now stumbled upon,
This is the time,
To amend past wrongs,
The power to banish regret,
To thou now belongs,
Too late to start afresh,
But still time to change course,
In the twilight of life,
Thou must vanquish remorse.



Cold and weary,
The world has lost it's shine,
Nighttime is here,
Thou hath reached the end of thine time,
Filled with memories,
As the snow doth fall,
Tme to ascend to the Heavens?
Or to Hell will thy fall?
Winter is nigh,
The time for dreams is now gone,
From the journey of life,
Thou must now move on,
The road of humanity,
Thou hath no more to travel,
Tired and weak,
Thou awaiteth thine Angel,
There is but one battle,
Thou hath left,
The most fearsome of wars,
Thou must now conquer Death.